Self-care was never one of my strong points but it has become a focus for me this year. So far, this is what I’ve implemented:

1) I make a point of drinking water – not a set amount per day, just reaching for water instead of tea/juice/etc.

2) I’m closely monitoring my self-talk and making sure that it’s positive or constructive AND giving myself permission to write things down and let them go… once on paper, they’re done

3) I’ve reduced my sugar intake during the day and I don’t have any sugar after 6pm – this has helped my sleep routines

4) No screen time after 8:30pm; I’m working on getting to no screen time after 8pm – this has helped my sleep routines too

5) ⭐️ My absolute favourite self-care strategy is to read a good book and cuddle our little dog for once ‘no screen time’ has started

6) Once a month I have a massage at Balanced Health and Wellness with RMT Lynn, which keeps me feeling physically well

It’s a process and the best part is that I’ve started with things I can commit to – there’s no ‘Ugh, _______________ should ne added to this list so I have to start/stop doing it now.’



I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of grace lately. A few years ago, when I was told by the neurosurgeon that ‘my running days are over… I need to have the grace to let go of things no longer meant for me.’ Those words were a bitter pill.

A few weeks ago, I was discussing the concept of grace with one of my teachers. About the connotation of some words.

Before my talk with the neurosurgeon, I thought of grace as being smooth and gentle. After that talk, as I processed letting go of something cherished, I decided that maybe grace isn’t a fixed state. Maybe grace is a state of flux that becomes a fixed state. Maybe grace starts off hard, rough, and edgy; with time and patience, grace becomes smooth. Most importantly, grace endures.

What are we actually doing in asana?

Last month, I attended a weekend workshop with Matthew Remski and Daniel Clement called Light & Shadow – What are We Actually Doing in Asana?

I started learning about the history of our current day yoga practices. Particularly the ‘need to make the body a certain shape’ as opposed to honouring each body’s ability. “The modern yoga movement emerges out of a homosocial educational context rife with corporal punishment. The context assumed the teacher’s ownership of mastery over the body. Its assumptions about intervention, corrections and consent linger.” (source: Matthew Remski)

The founder of our modern yoga practice, T. Krishnamacharya, was quite violent when adjusting his students, and his students B.K.S. Iyengar and K. Pattabhi Jois continued this violent teaching practice which has filtered down into some current yoga classes. (source: Matthew Remski) We teach how we know, right? It is very difficult to break the pattern of abuse. 

I’ve continued learning about modern yoga with an informative book about modern yoga. The information in it created an existential crisis in me which is good because I think we should always be examining what we’re doing and why we’re doing it to retain a strong sense of purpose. I needed to answer the question ‘What are we actually doing in asana?’ for myself.

In a nutshell: Modern yoga is not so much derived from ancient practices… even the hallowed surya namaskar practiced in most studios is only a few hundred years old, modified from a Brahmin sun worship ritual, “mistakenly thought to be adapted from yoga postures… probably developed as preparation for strength exhibitions, sports (especially wrestling) or military training.” Most of the poses that we practice in a yoga class aren’t actually yoga asana – they’re modified from gymnastics routines and other forms of ritual worship. (source: The Path of Modern Yoga by Elliott Goldberg) 

So if we’re not doing yoga what are we doing? The answer I came up with is that the shapes we’re making are what is providing access to the real yoga… the real yoga is happening inside.

I had to look back at why I started doing yoga (Bikram yoga every other day for a workout) and what it did for me physically and mentally. Physically, it made me stronger and more toned. Mentally, the fully guided classes provided a structure that was lacking in my life and it was a great relief to me to know exactly what to expect for 1h30m of that day. I found a sense of peace that I had been sorely lacking. The discipline required wasn’t the best for my ‘set myself on fire’ personality – there are no props and modifications are not allowed – so I did a lot of forcing my body into certain shapes which wasn’t the best thing for my knees or my back.

When I left Bikram yoga to attend regular Hatha, Hatha Flow, and Vinyasa classes I found the variety bewildering at first and if the instructor struggled with cues, I didn’t like the feeling of not knowing what I was doing – I was looking for a sense of security in that class whether it was 1h or 1h15m. Yin and Restorative classes were my first experiences of finding what works for my body and it changed my experience of yoga: I was being supported literally *and* physically. Honoring my body went a long way to provide much needed physical healing.

My first Yin teacher was the first person I heard say: “We don’t use our body to get into a pose; we use the pose to get into our body.” (This quotation is attributed to Bernie Clark but he says that he is not the original source – he cannot remember whom he heard it from and he would dearly love to acknowledge the source.) I tell my students that if my suggestions do not work for their body to move in a way that does work for their body. I do not provide hands-on adjustments because I think it is very dangerous for me to move them in a way that is not natural for their body. I’m learning about providing hands-on assists which helps support their body’s movement – the difference being that I am supporting the student as they are instead of moving them into a different shape. I still prefer hands-off assists such as offering the use of a prop & suggesting where to place the prop for support.

I looked back at Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, particularly the 8 limbs of yoga. At the end of the article linked here, are the words: Yogas chitta vritti nirodah / Tadah drastuh svarupe vasthanam which means: “Yoga is stilling the fluctuations of the mind. Then one abides in their own true nature.”

In conversation with a yoga studio owner the other day, I was reminded that some students need a dynamic practice to get out of their own head and some students need a static practice; that is why yoga studios need to provide a full range of Hatha classes (every postural class at the yoga studio is a Hatha class, from Power to Restorative). A meditation class is Raja yoga. Offering to clean the studio in exchange for a studio membership is Karma yoga. A Kirtan at a studio is Bhakti yoga. Jnana (wisdom or knowing) yoga can be accessed via Hatha, Raja, Karma or Bhakti yoga.

This led me back to Marion Mugs McConnell’s book Letters from the Yoga Masters: “…I feel that one comes to all yoga practice with ‘yoga’ first and not ‘practice.’ The goal is yoga – to discover the already underlying unity of all things. With this ‘as long as’ [doing a practice as long as the student is comfortable], the emphasis is on the yogi and not the technique, as otherwise, one can become a good specialist. In yoga, specialization is not the best thing, as specialization is the work of the ego. With ‘as long as’ – the onus is on the yogi, and [s]he can keep in mind why [s]he is doing this in the first place – yoga.” (source: Swami Suryadevananda in Letters from Yoga Masters)

“[The] progression from Hatha yoga [any yoga practice with physical asanas] to raja yoga [meditation] is to be expected… Hatha yoga can help us only up to the level of concentrated mind and aspiring mind… Then we have to work for purifying the mind, and this process for purifying the mind [is the] chief aim of Raja yoga, Jnana yoga, Bhakti yoga, and Karma yoga, etc.” (source: Swami Saraswati in Letters from the Yoga Masters)

It *is* possible that a student is just “Attending a push-up class at the local studio” (source: Matthew Remski) BUT another student in the same class could be doing yoga. It depends on what is happening inside, because:

Being present

This morning I renewed my membership to Elephant Journal (I opted for the lifetime membership because, hey, why not? I believe in supporting what I love!) and I came across this excellent article: This is why it’s Time to take Grandma’s China out of the Cabinet.

It made me revisit my thoughts about impermanence. (The thoughts haven’t gone away, they’ve been simmering in the background.)

Up until I first started thinking about impermanence, I was the type of person who would receive a gift of lotion or special soap and not use it – it became a gift to look at, not a gift to be used. Now I can see how ridiculous it was not to make use of the gifts that were given to be used. 

I’m not sure if I was trying to create a state of continuity in the interest of consistency (they still look perfect after all this time) or denying the inevitable (whether used or not, they have a definite life span) but I do know that it was about control. Keeping things as they are.

Now, when I use this hand lotion that I received from a student, I delight in the fragrance when I open the bottle, apply the lotion to my hands, and when I catch a hint of the fragrance as I go about my day. That’s being present to the beauty of impermanence and enjoying what is in each moment.


Yesterday I contacted my yoga boss and let her know that my son is starting college and my elderly Mother is deeply concerned about looking after our elderly dog. My Mom is frail – she has rheumatoid arthritis and osteopenia (the precondition for osteoporosis). If Loki, our 16 year-old dog, falls my Mom is not able to lift Loki’s 55 lb body. It has happened that Loki fell and was hurting her legs, but my son was home and helped Loki up.

My son and I had the Big Talk about these being among our last days with Loki and we have agreed that other than the occasional rough patch, Loki lives a happy life. She loves sharing my porridge in the morning, she loves exploring our small yard (except when there’s snow ~ she has never liked the snow), she loves it when the sun shines and her bed is in the sun spot, she loves eating treats, and she loves receiving visitors. 

I find it quite beautiful that Loki is in the yin stage of her life. “As that life develops and progresses the energetic stages of youth are yang; whereas the later years are yin as life slows and becomes more deliberate… the quick growth of early childhood is yang within yang and the transition from middle age to old age is yin within yang.”(Source:

My yoga boss was very understanding that if my Mom is unable to care for Loki for the extended day on Tuesdays, I will need to go on hiatus from teaching my Yin yoga class at Karma Teachers New West. Best case scenario: everything is fine and my Mom can manage. I’m a planner and I have to lay the groundwork for the best case scenario and the worst case scenario.

Which brings me to the idea of impermanence. Last Summer, when I did my Yin training with Bernie Clark, he talked about how precious impermanent objects are because of their very nature. A rose is precious because it has such a short life span. Animals (human and non-human) are precious because of their limited life spans. My dog is precious because we only have her for her life span, our lives will go on without her. Things like a job are impermanent as well: a person can be declared surplus, or may need to leave.

UPDATE: I will be going on leave from a Karma Teachers New West. The 1hr Yin/Deep Stretch class is a 4hr time commitment (public transit is my sole means of transportation) that I am not able to maintain at this point.